- Why Do Gay Men Make Dating So Hard For Themselves? | HuffPost
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- Why Do Gay Men Make Dating So Hard For Themselves?
We all have exes. We all have problems with our jobs or strive for something better. Like I said, we are all in different places and some of our baggage is heavier than others. But asking questions and being honest usually does the trick. It is not, however an acceptable excuse to not see someone again. Because if you are going on an initial date: Here is my favorite of the bullshit excuses for not getting together with someone again. If someone approaches me, I ask what they are looking for and take it from there.
It happens. For example, a grown ass man recently took me out on a date and told me via text and in person multiple times that he was looking for that someone special. Upon being called out, he proceeded to block me on all forms of social media. My biggest pet peeve in life especially in our current political climate is having someone say something to me and then pretend it never happened. There are boundless ways for us to communicate, which should make it very simple for these misunderstandings to never happen in the first place. The only person this really hurts in the long run is the person who does the ghosting.
I understand that we are attached to our devices at all times nowadays and correspondence can oftentimes seem meaningless. However, there are actual real-life people on the other end of those screens and those people have these pesky little things called: When you continuously disappear to get out of telling someone you are not interested or out of any problem in life for that matter, you are not actually dealing with anything at all.
Why Do Gay Men Make Dating So Hard For Themselves? | HuffPost
It may be easy to vanish from thin air, but trust me, the ghosts of your past have ways of coming back to haunt you no matter how hard you try to run from them. The only applicable excuse for not seeing someone on a second date or breaking things off with them is this:.
See how easy that is? No one is perfect. No one will ever be perfect. And for some reason, many gay men think something perfect is right around the corner, thus continuing this endless cycle of first dates without a second date.
- gay dating advice.
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- The State of Online Dating Sites: Winners and Scams!
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Yes, it stings. Rejection stings one way of the other. Dating is hard. But when it happens time and time again, we build a resolve that makes us jaded, biter and nasty toward the very group of people we are trying to date. Why make plans with someone for a second date when you have no intention of seeing them again?
We are all adults so it interests me why we act like schoolyard bullies when it comes to dating instead of simply saying what we feel. Has this ever happened to you? Do you agree or disagree with this assessment? Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you.
Star Observer If this is what we all want, why are we making it so hard for ourselves? I was scammed on surge! Cute younger guy chatted for a bit and seemed fine. He gave me the link to get verified and it said it was free but needed a cc to validate me. So like a dummy I used my only cc I had bank card and the sight charged me I told him what it did and he sent me another link to clear it and get my money back, but that link asked for my cc info again.
I told him this and he said I had to put it in again to get my money back and get the free trail. So I did but my card was declined , I freaked out thinking that my account was wipe clean out. So I checked my account and it was only the I told him this then he ask how much money my card had on it red flag I told him enough lol.
I call my bank and closed my debit card and have a new one coming in 3 days. I feel I got lucky and that he was planning somehow to clean out my bank account. So I am on the look out now that's for sure. Sorry to hear about that! I'm glad you didn't get scammed for all you're worth.
It could have been a lot worse. Thanks for sharing your experience—hopefully it helps someone else avoid the same fate! It's funny, not really but you believe you are getting conned and yet you can't believe that it can actually happen to you. I met a fellow on a dating site - made a good connection, gave him my phone number, he wanted to send me something so I gave him my home address and I got flowers and chocolates.
I was on cloud nine. He didn't want to meet until we talked and knew we had a connection. Made sense, I had never been on a dating site before. He is an engineer and was submitting different bids. Had one accepted in Turkey - and would be flying out the following week to set up the initial contacts and set up the working plan.
Next week for sure. Talk to him by phone and the project in Turkey has problems and he now must pay for repairs to a machine that one of his employees broke. I don't have any. Every time he phones, texts, he asks if I have come up with any solution because we are in this together. He calls and says he can come home, the Director of the project will allow him to leave so he can get his financial situation straightened out in the US. But he doesn't have the funds to purchase the ticket, could I give him the money? He gets to the airport and can't get on the flight, the machinery company will not allow him to board the plane.
He gets a lawyer and the lawyer discusses with machinery company, if he now buys the machinery they will allow him out of the country. I am suppose to go to the bank for a loan in order for this to proceed. He has no one else that can help him, so he says. I read this and I think, oh come on, are you that blind, so in love with a fictional character on the computer. Yet, I think, he is this great person, that I might be missing out on. I feel like a fool, in my gut I think I am getting screwed, and in my heart I want this person.
So sorry to hear about your experience. You're right, though; even if you're on the lookout for scams, you can still be taken advantage of. They're really good at what they do. I just had a go round with this SAME guy.
I reported him to Match. I didn't give in when he asked that I wire money to Turkey and called him out but he continued to try to keep me on the hook. Had a supposed Turkish cell and whatsapp acct. I demanded he send me verified ID and he kept coming up with reasons why he could not--company in Turkey keeps their passports until the job is done, he left his driver's license at home.
He finally sent me a fake CA driver's license with a bunch of mistakes on it and when I called him out on that he finally stopped trying to keep me on the hook. He popped up on Match. While I'm not totally convinced it's the same guy, it certainly bears a remarkable resemblance! I'm glad you figured it out in time.
A pdf of the story is a available here http: I got on our time. I wouldn't worry about getting in trouble; people get scammed all the time, and I don't think that's much of an issue. Also, don't be too hard on yourself; the people who do this are experts, and they know exactly which emotional triggers to use. They're really good at what they do, and you're not the first or last person to be taken advantage of. About two weeks ago, I f, 33 met a guy on the "Whisper" app.
He said his name was Jim, he was 31 years old and lived in Texas. I live in Germany and I am German. He seemed very nice and we connected really well right from the beginning. I texted with him for about five days in a row for several hours every night and enjoyed it very much.
He told me that he was a computer network architect who worked from home. When I said that I think that he must be very intelligent because I could never do a job like his, he told me that I was so full of compliments that night. When I replied that I didn't want to come across as slimy, he told me: You just seem like a girl who might be falling for a guy. To this he answered: Because I'm really falling for you! But then I somehow really believed him One evening when we were in the middle of texting again, he wrote all of a sudden: My mom just called.
She thinks my Dad is having a heart attack. I have to go over there immediately. He told me that his Dad had actually had a heart attack and was now in hospital in intensive care and that a bypass surgery was planned for the following day Saturday. The next time I heard from him was Sunday night. My Dad didn't make it.
He didn't even make it to the surgery but passed late Friday night. I completely believed what he told me and I didn't expect him to text me until a few days later. To my surprise, he already texted the following night again, saying that he was having a few minutes alone and that he would be glad if we could talk for a little while. He told me a little bit about the funeral arrangements and other things he and his family were occupied with at the moment.
He was very sweet in what he wrote he said it was so nice talking to me and that I was so sweet etc. Of course, I believed the things he told me and tried to comfort him.
At some piont he said that he should leave before long but didn't want to, so we continued texting further. After about another five minutes he wrote: I wish I could talk all night, but family calls. But he never responded again! He jhas completely disappeared since then. No "Good night" or "Talk to you soon" or anything like that on this night and not a single sign from him since then. I already had a strange feeling that night when I didn't get a real goodbye from him, since he always used to wish me a good night before leaving.
Then again, I thought that he was probabaly too devastated to pay attention to such things in this difficult time. I texted him the following night and asked if he was ok. Of course I didn't expect long text messages from him at that point. I just wanted to know how he was doing. Then, for the following days I texted him again that I was missing him and that I was worried about him and just wanted to know if he was okay.
Again no response but also no blocking on his part. He has just remained completely silent since he wrote me: Today marks the 8th day since I last heard from him and after having sent him another message last night, I have now decided not to write him again and have also deleted our conversation.
By doing this I am not able to contact him any longer the only way of getting in contact again would be if he texted me. But I don't think this will happen I would love to get your opinion on this story. Do you think I have fallen victim to a romantic scam here? Considering the fact that he told me he was falling for me, only not to respond to my messages at all shortly after, but ignoring me completely instead. Or do you think that it might really be the case that the death of a close family member has such an impact on someone that he actually might not be able to communicate by writing just one short sentence in order to let the person he was allegedly falling for know how he is doing?
It's really hard to tell, especially when contact was just broken off. I wish I had better advice for you! How can a person who has never interact with you tell you they love you. Only a month later. Never give anyone money or buy gifts for someone you don't know. If the person can only talk to you for 10 to 15 minutes on the phone everyday. You must interact and be a part of that persons life to build a true relationship. Don't ignore Red Flags! Those red flags are their to protect you. Plus remember you are not desperate, take your time do a background check and who gives a damn if the person is insulted because you have chosen to check what's behind the door.
Your first Love should be you looking out for yourself. I met man from Brisbane Australia. Named Wayne Harrison who claims he works for Qantas Airline. If this man contacts you via any dating site. Women Run and I mean run real fast. He is only interested in having an affair. He is a true Sociopath! Everything he says is a lie all lies all the time. First warning sign which I ignored was when he sent me a Birthday card.
But on the card he put my Address and not his. I completely ignored what was truly a Red Flag. Then I was invited to come and visit Brisbane but only when his wife left on a vacation was I invited. He stated by the way he was in the process of divorcing. I ignored this Red Flag also. If a person is not Divorce and cannot produce legal Divorce papers that you can hold in your hand and check online they filed then run. Another major Red Flag was him telling me a month later that he loved me. I hope someone can help me, I met someone on a gay dating site, he was the same age as me, and sent me pictures, and I thought wow, someone this handsome really is writing to me, he didn't say he was young or overseas, and said that he lives in New York, and he was an engineer and Architect and would send me pictures of construction sites that he was working at, and said that he had a firm in New York, and he didn't ask for my e-mail address until later when we got to know each other.
Maybe I am being stupid or guidable, I don't know, and I am not that ugly looking, so I am confused, please help. That definitely sounds like a con.
I just can't imagine that being real. I'd recommend breaking off contact immediately. I know it's hard, but the risks are awfully high. Scammers are good at what they do, and they rarely "seem like" scammers. Sorry you're going through this! Sorry for all this situation you are going thru. I just received a communication from an wonderful-good looking gay guy from Russia asking me for money, I met him thru a gay site. Is been three weeks only , not enough time for this ,a friend of mine has a similar story , therefore I do have all the warnings.
Needless to say , I didn't believe , so I went thru all the information on the web about gay-scam-fraud ,so after that I decided to call the FBI and report this crook: Yeah, that's almost certainly a scam. I'd cease contact with this person and report him to Cupid! I ventured into the dating scene via Plenty of Fish after my divorce last year, and connected online with a very charming, pleasant-looking man who "lived" in Vancouver. He phoned me often his number was listed as from the Vancouver area and we spent a lot of time on Yahoo Messenger chatting daily.
What I've learned about men from countless hours of Tinder
I now know that moving women quickly off the dating site to a messenger site can be a red flag. As Dan Albright's article stated, this man was not able to meet because he had business in South Africa for several weeks. He called me daily with the South African number, keeping very close contact.
I was very mixed in my thoughts. I wanted to believe that this was a burgeoning relationship, but I was also very anxious. And yes, he asked me for emergency money and against my better judgment, I sent him some. I mean, in the app, you choose what 'type' of bro you are — from 'jock' to 'fabulous'. How do you cater for all types of people when some may fall through the cracks between different 'types'?
Do you think that the design and the marketing may look a bit, well, straight though? I disagree. For me, this is supposed to be a safe space for men to meet up and make meaningful relationships. If this app is the thing that someone needs to open up about themselves, then great. We built up 32, Facebook fans before launch. Then, there were a few articles, like one in Queerty, which made the app into a place for straight men looking for other straight men to get oral sex in secret. There you go then.
Why Do Gay Men Make Dating So Hard For Themselves?
Most of the people I chatted to on there said that they identified as gay. People have called it an app for straight men because of the design, the logo, the name, the fact that interactions include 'fist-bumps'. But maybe that kind of behaviour doesn't have to be restricted to the 'straight' male community. After all, isn't that, in itself, just conforming to another socially-constructed idea of gender and sexuality?
This app has caused loads of media speculation because, in some ways, it all seems so confusing. People have taken it as an app for confused people. Maybe we're just thinking about it too much though. Maybe it's all pretty straightforward. Like BRO's mission statement puts it, a place, "for men that are interested in meeting other men… as simple as that".